Don't Make Me Get My Can of Whoop Ass
Two incidents happened to me within the week-
Incident #One- I have been browsing condos and small houses online for a while and I came across one that was too good to be true- I knew it was near a shady neighborhood (by the word shady I mean riddled with crime) I mapped it out and saw that it could be on the edge of this shady neighborhood- So I decided I would drive by the building- The condo was right smack dab in the shady neighborhood- As I drove by I came up to an intersection- I didn't have a stop sign but the crossing traffic did- Before I approached the intersection I noticed a Pimped Out white Escalade had stopped and began to proceed through the intersection- They then slowed down and stopped in the middle of the intersection blocking my way- These 3 young men just sat in the middle of the intersection, just starring at me- My now panicked brain started its long list of WTF scenario's- I had visions of carjacking flashing through my head- What were they waiting for- Had I drove onto unwelcomed turf- Then I remembered I had passed a man on a bicycle- Maybe they were waiting for him to reach the intersection- Then I had visions of gunfire between the man on the bike and these men in their Pimped Out White Escalade and I would have been in the middle of the crossfire- To which the coroner would have labeled me, the white female DOA "in the wrong place at the wrong time"- And my mother would say "why was she in that area of town?" - I put my blinker on and then the Pimped Out white Escalade began to move through the intersection and proceeded slowly down the road and I got the HELL out of there fast- Back over to my side of the freeway- And NO, I am not going to buy that really nice condo that is too good to pass up-
Incident #Two- I was on my way to work and the exit from the freeway has two turning lanes when you turn to the right- So when you turn you better stay within you lane- So if you can predict what happens next -yep- this red mini-van while turning came into my lane and didn't even see me- typical male- I swerved and did a courteous honk like "hello-dumb ass" - I couldn't have predicted what happened next- This man started waving his arms out the window and yelling at me through his review mirror and side mirrors- He was pretty upset- I haven't seen someone so upset before and looking RIGHT at me- He then came to a complete stop and blocked traffic as he continued yelling at me in his mirrors-I have NO idea what he was saying because I can't read lips- I then thought he was going to get out of his car and approach me- I wouldn't want to have to get my can of Whoop Ass out- There was a lot of traffic and while he blocked the traffic it was apparent there were numerous witnesses- Another van slowed down next to him (probably my guardian angel) and then angry man snapped out of his ROAD RAGE fit and began driving forward again- I have never been in that situation- I had the right of way and he didn't- I honked to alert him that he was in my lane and I didn't want him to hit my car- He acted like a complete ASS- and then I thought what if this ASS did hit my car- He probably would have been yelling like that to me, in my face- Could I have held it together without clobbering him- Probably not- I am sure glad I don't have to encounter him again- Ass
Summertime re-Run: Travel Log #1
Summertime TV is full of re-runs- I now know why- Everyone is out and about- No one is home watching TV- I am re-running last years Travel Logs- I don't get a vacation this year so my weekend excursions are limited-
Vacation Travel Log #1
Some of you don't know that I belong to a secret society/club- well. We don't purposely keep it a secret, the WORD hasn't spread just yet. The club is.....Squisshhhed Pennies. Go to pennycollector.com and you'll see what the BUZZ is all NOT about. I recently found myself traveling the lonely backroads of Southern Minnesota on the search for a squished penny at the secretive tourist attraction "Niagara Cave Waterfall". My companion and I drove south on 52 to Harmony, Minnesota. The temperature was a blistering 91 degrees. The scenery was lush green pastures and of course, corn fields. The music was a little Lucinda, Cash, vintage country radio & mostly Sara's mix cd. How many of you love to get out on an open Midwest backroads? (I was often thinking of the backroads of Oregon- but there was NO snow covered mountain looming in the distance) I usually don't stop for the hell of it but today I turned into the small town of Fountain, Minnesota. Population SMALL. To my surprise there was a Wagon Train going through town. The town was merely a bank, a grocer, and a museum for whatever county I was in (can't remember, Oh yeah Fillmore). I guess it was the annual town fair "Trail Days". A good side road attraction. I had to learn more (really, I had to go to the bathroom) so I rolled up to the non-descript brown building with the word MUSEUM on front. As I walked in an OLD lady probably one of the original pioneers greeted me and told me where to start my-self guided tour. I just wanted to use the bathroom (which was very clean and smelled good) The museum was filled with old stuff. (I mean OLD and unusually creeeeeeeeeepy) soon I was back out to my car slathering sunblock on my left arm. The Drivers Arm. Off again, I decided to take a gander at their town and buy myself a bottled water & a Gatorade. Mailed a postcard and then I was off towards Niagara Cave. As I pulled into Preston, Minnesota I came upon a Detour. Summertime detours can be a pain & take you miles out of your way. But I am glad for the detour, because it took you up to a ridge that looked out over the valley. Really Beautiful. I arrived in Harmony, Minnesota and went straight for the Visitor Center (wink-wink-public restrooms) this nice Older Lady greeted me and said I should go over to Slims. "Oh yeah, Slims you said" (is he married? does he have a fat wallet? How's his credit score??) Slim, I guess is a wood carver and his art gallery was not too far. (I never got to Slims') I thanked her and walked through some Amish gift shops, got some postcards and headed south on 139 to the Niagara Cave. Rolling down the road with not a care in the world and my music caring me along, all of a sudden a car is right on my tail. "Jez, back it up" I thought. Then I thought, "Who flippin cares, ride my tail, I'm sightseeing". Soon the gold Oldsmobile Alero was sailing, no FLYING by me. I swear they must have been doing 90mph. As they were passing I noticed the words "Just Married; Just Do It" was painted on their back window. You don't really want to know what I thought next. Fast forward to me arriving at the Niagara Cave...and guess who also just arrived....yep, the fast and furious Just Married couple. Sheeeeet, they will probably be in my tour, and they were :>) Once in the gift shop feeling very woozy from the heat and not eating (but I did drink 2 bottles of water & a Gatorade) I noticed my squished penny machine. I thought driving all this way I better just go down in the damn cave (I wasn't planning on it) I purchased my ticket, $9.00+ tax and headed off with my 20 something year old tour guide who looked and sounded like Jake Gyllenhall. Our tour group was small including me, 9 bodies & a little boy. (I left my traveling companion in the car, No little ceramic dogs wanted) So it was 91 degrees outside and it was 49 degrees inside the cave. As I purchased my ticket I asked how long the tour was....about 1 hour. I enjoyed the first 20 minutes then I got really cold and tired. Maybe there was something in the air, like NOT enough oxygen. To describe the cave in 3 or so words, "Inside Jabba-the-hut's Bowels" It was slimey, wet, and just gross looking. Water dripping from the ceiling. They told you not to touch the walls because it would stop the mineral deposits from developing. Hell NO, don't touch the walls, GROSS! A lot of the cave was only the width of your body (cool, I am not claustrophobic) Soon we were at the end of the tour. My 20something year old tour guide showed us what it would be like if we turned out the lights. Yep, Pitch Black. He said because our eyes had nothing to focus on, if we were in there for 2 weeks we would go permanently blind. Hell if the lights are out NOW we are already blind buddy. Funny Guy. Alright, Done with the cave. I got out of there real fast. My bum knee felt fine too(LOTS OF STAIRS) Up in the gift shop I got my Squisshed penny :>) (humm...No one else got one, see it is a secret club) and I purchased some rocks & fossils. What next? Go back outside to the steamy 91 degrees. I decided to head further south to Decorah, Iowa. I had been there before, about 8 years ago. That's a story for another time- basically went canoeing/camping with a group of friends and the canoe that I was in flipped over & I lost all my camera equipment. (Thanks Nicole) So here I was taking a gander at Decorah, Iowa to give a SHOUT OUT to BATGIRL- Holla!! Stopped for some food and wrote some postcards. Eric, don't think that I wasn't looking for a Thrift shop. I was, and I didn't see one(not that Iowans would sell their Nascar T-Shirts anyways) Back on 52 heading North and back to the big city. I wasn't excited about heading back but a terrific way to end my Scenic Day Trip was to drive through a Good Midwestern Thunderstorm. Nothing beats lightning all around and Bob Seger on the radio. Until Next Time- visit pennycollector.com and keep the air conditioning off and roll down the windows- SAraT
Murder in My Neighborhood
There was a murder in my quiet neighborhood yesterday. It must of taken place without anyone's notice. As I was walking from my car to the front door I notice some remains. Totally unaware of what I was looking at because there was a lack of blood, I bent down to get a closer look. I then realized I was looking at a bird's wing. Bird's don't just loose their wings, feathers and all. It's not like the bird was flying so fast that a wing came loose and plummeted to the ground. There must of been a violent act of crime with in feet of my home. I then remembered the Black Neighborhood Cat was wondering around chasing song birds outside my bedroom window. I like my little forest refuge within feet of my bedroom window. Cardinals sing, Robins hop around, and numerous Squirrels will run through the trees chasing each other. This is the same little forest refuge that I saw a HUGE hawk stalking a rabbit last summer. But now that my crazed WEEDWACKER neighbor cut all the small saplings down- Some of my little woodland friends must have gotten a little disoriented and become lunch for the damn Black Neighborhood Cat. Rest in Peace little birdie.
I am a Sucker for Cute Cowboys
Last Man On Earth
I think the last man on Earth has been snagged by a 104 year old woman from Malaysia- Am I better off being single? A very good friend has plans for me up her sleeves and it isn't being a mail order bride to a nice Canadian- Damn it, Eh- My summer will be filled with single men- Or she thinks so.........stay tuned for the Chronicles of Saratee's Dating Adventures
Saratee HEART Dad
JP Beausoleil- Fitgers Brewhouse 6.3.06
I have finally sobered up since my recent adventure North to Duluth- Good Times, Good Times Indeed
Saratee's Horoscope 6.11.06
Think about your impact on the world and make steps to leave a smaller footprint.Tell the universe that you're ready for a fresh start. Get a haircut. Donate those clothes that don't fit. Clean out your address book. Once you make space for it in your life, what you need will appear.Oh my horoscope is so dead on today- It freaked this old mystic out- Seriouslya) Haircut - a check got one on Friday nightb) Donate Clothes- aa check that is what I am doing on this cold rainy weekend- Cleaning out my closets (plural)c) Clean out address book- aaa check sort of.... I did that a few months back- But I did clean up my desk and I cleaned up the Favorite folder on my computer (a disorganized mess)I have been behaving so hopefully the universe has been watching and what I need will appear- That list is MONEY, MONEY, MONEY- well technically I don't need it but I do want some to buy a house, or tree fort, or an igloo, or even a tepee.
Bike Ride
Nothing wrong with riding our neighborhood's secret back alleys looking for strange lawn art like this sleeping Snoopy
6-6-6
I am sure you have noticed today's numerical date- This doesn't phase me- I have lived at Hell's Gate for about 3 1/2 years. Seriously.
It is ALREADY June
I can't believe it is already JUNE- My how time flies by when you're not looking- Summertime is kinda sacred to us Minnesoooodians- Just a warning that you might not see too many blog entries at Sassafrass because I am out and about being mischievous as usual- Well actually gathering more material for more spectacular stories!
Squisshed Pennies from Matty and Mama P-
Mucho Gracias
Allergy Sufferers Better Get Used to It
I found an interesting bit of trivia on my packet of instant oatmeal this morning-
Pollen never deteriorates, It is one of the few naturally secreted substances that lasts indefinitely.My allergies haven't been as bad as they could be- My allergies slightly change from year to year- I hope all whose allergies are really bad find some relief soon-
I know how miserable they can be-
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